Santa be crazy

Crazy SantaI survived Santa today. I almost wasn’t ready when I headed to the seemingly nice “Birthday party” but a caring friend warned me of the impending threat before hand. That is a true friend indeed.So I was ready when the long bearded old man in red walked in with his bag of “toys” or probably more like guns, knives, shiv, and flail, cause that’s how that old man rolls. He acts all nice and even has a catch phrase to make him seem loving but I am not fooled. I know the Ho Ho Ho we have been lead to believe is the sound of jolly is really a CIA brainwashing technique to get us to trust any man in a suit with his face covered (who we couldn’t identify later for sketch artists).He sits down on his throne probably expecting his midgets wait on him just like they do at the north pole and malls everywhere. Just B-T-W: Amnesty International should really look into that sometime.

And all the kids (and a scary number of adults) just come running to this gluttonous man’s feet. Oh and then the really creepy part starts. Hey kids! Let’s all go sit on a strange man’s lap and tell him randomly intimate details about our life!!! Yayyy! Cause that would never backfire with a identity theft or a kidnapped child….no never. Oh wait….

Needless to say, I am not Santa’s #1 fan. It’s not that I even really feel so dramatic over the whole thing but I wish I could tell the little child inside of me that. The little child that starts panicking and practically stops breathing every time she see’s a man dressed as Santa. It’s involuntary and it sucks.

My amazing friend discovered there would be a Santa at the party we would be attending and told the hostess to give me a heads up because I was scared of the S-man. She did, but not after she said she was surprised that a 28-year-old was scared of Santa with that (that’s-seriously-weird face). For the record I am 27, so it’s totally okay for me to have my phobia for another 6 month’s, and what part of Jen-is-kind-of-weird has she not already gotten about me? Her and I may have to sit down and have a talk because my Santa hating quirk is just the tip of the iceberg.

Anyways, back to my topic sentence: I survived Santa today. As he walked in, I did panic, cried a little, but hung in there. Even walked in the same room as him to get my purse (all by myself!). But here is the best part of it all- my friends are totally and 100% awesome. Instantly, two friends who knew my “issues” were at my side ready to help me out. Two others attempted to keep me distracted in conversation. Because of them I didn’t lose it because to be honest…I was close.  But I survived and have amazing friends who help me with my crazy.

One day I wish to get over my red suit educed panic attacks and I have a feeling God will one day. Already this year I noticed that I can enjoy Christmas decorations without feeling instantly lonely and sad (as I did since I could remember), and don’t mind a Christmas tune on the radio.

God is good. He takes care of me and my crazy, and sends me friends who will body slam any Santa who upsets me.

Cue Destiny’s Child “I am a Survivor” here.


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