The question of identity

We all have the “I will never be…” or “I am just not cut out for….” Well, as I complained about before, I am there. With essentially stopping my career and becoming the thing I swore I never would, I am going through a few identity issues. And more than just my new life situation, I have discovered that I really never knew myself at all beyond my goals and job title.So! What am I doing about it?1) I am trying to embrace where I am at. I am taking my house chores seriously, plan organized activities for the kiddo, get all those miscellaneous projects done that I never had time before, all while trying to get dressed and comb my hair before 11am. This is my place now, and I should do it with pride.

2) I am not making up a dream.  I can come up with a plan for pretty much anything. I have plenty of connections to the community and causes that I could work with and care about. In the past, I commonly got “I can” mixed up with “I am called to do.” Now don’t get me wrong, I am still trying to be servant and help where I can, but I am not forcing a new vision for my life. I am letting God reveal it to me when He is ready.

Man, waiting sucks.

3) I am trying to heal. I have been deeply embedded in feelings of failure, loss, bitterness, and just shame. At the same time, I am It was like grieving a death. Slowly I am realizing it wasn’t true failure, but maybe even success. Another blog post to come on that. Let’s just say, I am still processing.

I have also started reading this book.

I am not in it long enough to tell you any life changing passages but hey, it’s doing something…anything…to go in the direction I want to go. Having felt stuck for months, just picking up a book is surprisingly hard but refreshing.

Dare I say, I feel like I am turning a corner in my self-putty fest that is my brain.


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