I actually wrote this last night, but was to tired to deal with formatting and graphics until this morning.
Some days I feel like a ping pong. I have a good moment, followed by a bad, followed by a good, and so on. It’s honestly exhausting.
I try so hard to count on those good moments… That whole being positive and blah blah blah. I even like to think of them as mini-triumphs. Because honestly, this Jen we are talking about. I am not a competitive person in the least. I rarely play games (although for the first time in my life I actually ask people to play a videogame with me- Injustice – I love it so!). So I got to get my win/lose quota from somewhere, and days like this its keeps me occupied to keep count.
Woke up at 3am and was up for over an hour to feed the baby, when feeding the baby took 15 minutes. -FAIL
Little girl climbed in bed with me at 6:30am BUT waited a half hour before demanding breakfast, more specifically pumpkin bread, incessantly until I gave in and got up. -TRIUMPH!
Got the stuff prepped for the bandage change and drawing blood for baby boy that I had to do, and didn’t forget a thing! First time ever. -TRIUMPH!
Little girl then had an accident that left a trail of pee through three rooms of the house. -FAIL
Got everyone in the car for errands in a semi-timely manner-TRIUMPH!
Was out of gas, so ended up being late anyways. -FAIL
Picked up the medical paperwork I needed too and dropped of baby boys labs -TRIUMPH!
Forgot (for the third time) different medical paperwork I needed to give to our social worker. -FAIL
Arranged for hubby to see kiddos on his lunch. -TRIUMPH!
Had a miscommunication about hubby about said arrangements. -FAIL
Dropped off stuff for a nonprofits rummage sale, and had uplifting chat with their volunteers. -TRIUMPH!
Then both of the kids had a meltdown from being in and out of car all morning. -FAIL
…that got me to 1pm. My day went pretty much that way through naptime (or lack of it), two meetings, dinner, and event at church.
At the end of the day I am wiped. Sometimes when I am that emotionally exhausted (and these days it doesn’t take much), its hard to look back and see if I had a good day or not. Even the triumph’s where I totally won in the moment, don’t feel as good. But I am thankful. If I didn’t have those little triumphs during the day, I probably would have given up around 9am and never left the house again…ever again.
It’s 10pm and I am so tired it hurts. I hate life, and almost everyone in it. But still thinking about those moments make me (almost) smile.
So I guess what I am saying is God is good and I need more sleep.