Friday morning musings

notebook and laptop

This morning we wait.

We are in the hospital again because my son has yet another infection. In the last 48-hours my son has a barrage of tests and a surgery, and now we wait for a final plan.  The options are anywhere from leaving today, to being here for at least 14-days, to being here even longer.

(I’d like for the record to say that living with this kind of “what-if” range for more than 24-hours is a form of mental torture, and should be used in prison systems. “You are sentenced to 1-day OR 30-years. We’ll tell you tomorrow if you get out or not.”)

As I have talked about before the not knowing is what drives me batshit crazy.

This whole thing has been a good lesson in living day-to-day. I have one set of semi-clean clothes with me. No use going home yesterday to get more if I would just be going home today. So I sit and wait…in my pajamas.

I used to think a good parent had a plan and structure. I had this plan of a daily routine, structured discipline, and to finally figure out how to keep my house clean.

Well, that bubble has burst. That dream has gone. None of that is going to happen. Now I am treading water. Doing the best I can in the day I have. At this point I am happy if I get laundry done and spend a hour or tow of real quality time with my daughter in a day.

This whole thing is actually a really good thing for me. It is teaching me to appreciate the days I do see my daughter, because tomorrow we could be in the hospital with my son. It’s teaching me to be more realistic with my expectations, and not procrastinate with the priority stuff as much. It’s humbling. I needed a good kick in the butt of reality. I’ve always lived more in the future than the present.  Now I have to learn to roll with the punches.

So while I wait, I blog, read, feed and play with the baby, and overall try not to go crazy in this little room.

You’d think I’d have a point to this blog post…I really don’t.  I just wanted to say hi to my 7 subscribers and do a little rambling.

Hope you have an awesome Friday!


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