I have gotten many comments lately about how transparent and honest I am in this blog. It’s true. They seem to be saying it as a good thing. I mean it could be secretly a euphemism for “TMI Jen! TMI! No one cares!”, like when you call someone “interesting” instead of creep and weird. But whatever, I am definitely putting myself out there.
Here is why:
1) This blog has become therapy for me. It gets me to focus on something other than myself and my problems. It lets me vent through writing, which afterwards I feel monumentally better.
You can’t get true help and support, unless you are honest about where you are. And I need as much support as I can get these days. I can’t truly vent it out, if I am not being honest. If I wasn’t, I am just putting on a show and never dealing with the parts that make me feel sad, joyful, or just like I am loosing my mind.
2) Because I want people to know me. If you want people to love you. Like really love you, you have to put everything out there. It’s a risk. It’s unsafe. But you can’t complain that no one knows you, if you don’t give them the opportunity to do so.
(p.s. I am really not good at putting myself out there, ESPECIALLY in person, but I am trying.)
3) I just plain don’t have the energy for anything else. I don’t have the energy to hide. I don’t have the energy to be insecure. I don’t have the energy to lie when someone asks, “how are you?” Pretending to be okay when I am not or even dwelling on bad stuff for attention is exhausting. It’s fake. It involves a level of acting and strategy that I don’t have time for. I got more important things to deal with.
So my good moments are my good moments, my bad ones are my bad ones, and you can deal with it if you want to.
If no one reads it, that would be fine. It’s for me. Not for anyone else. I find myself focusing a little too much on stats sometimes and wondering what people want to read, but I have found that the posts that I get the most readers and positive feedback on are the ones where I am most honest. The one’s where I just let it all out on the page, as it were. So, that’s what I try to do. Be me. And the rest will follow if it’s meant to (or not meant to).