Well, my happy home from the hospital rejoicing ended pretty quickly. This morning it became apparent that Addison probably has croup. CROUP!
Ya know that nasty, nasty thing that kids get that turn them into seals? Yeah, that.
The 3-year-old being sick is not the end of the world.
The 3-year-old being sick when the baby’s immunity is about to do it’s post- chemo plummet is TERRIFYING.
The doctors recommendation? Humidifier, good hand washing, keep the kids separate, and hope for the best.
I am in that little in between wanting to scream and just give up, where you just stand in the corner hit your head against the wall over, and over, again.
I had plans! Plans to get laundry done. Plans to have fun with my daughter. Plans to get my house back under control. Figuring out how on earth I can keep an active 3-year-old and a new baby separate in a small house while I am home alone and have to be attentive to both, was not part of my plan!
It’s not the end of the world (it really isn’t, I do know that) but it’s just one more thing.
I can’t win these days. It’s always something.
After the call from the doctor, I managed to get both kids down to sleep. (WOO HOO!!!) My brain couldn’t even process what to do next. I just sat on my bed. Is there a way to re-arrange the furniture so she won’t cough on his stuff? How crazy would she go being forced to stay in her room? Do I need to change my clothes in between cuddles with each of my kids? Can I ship one kid off to the grandparents? How were we going to manage this?
I just kept chanting to myself, “I don’t know how, but we will.”
Addison just got back form spending 4-days away from home. And she has been gone from us almost every other week, and it’s showing. She has been very home sick, and clingy. And, do you know how impossible it is to sterilize a 3-year-old!?
Asher needs daily medical care, I can’t just send him off to the grandparents for a couple of days. But if he gets sick, especially while his immunity level is dropped to dangerous levels, I am scared of what could happen.
Our life has gone two ways: There is the “almost crisis” that in a day or week we find out is nothing. Then there is the actual “holy crap crisis” that brings us to our knees. Which one will this be? How will it play out?
As I sat on my bed, I felt defeated before even trying. I decided to read my devotional, called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It has been a surprisingly good devotional to just bring a little peace to my day.
And wouldn’t you know it, it was perfect. Here is a clip of what it had to say…
“On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance: The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like that present a choice between two alternatives– giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment, giving you all that you need for this day.”
I realized that even though I know I will survive. I need to add “because I have God” to that. I will survive because I have God. You will (most likely) physically survive the day. I need to move the bar a little higher. How we will we get through this? God.
I need to stay focused on Him and the rest will follow. I have tried to survive when focused on me and that didn’t work. When I focus on him, He gets me through. He gives me peace.
We will get through this just like everything else. I know it. I know it just like I know my hair is brown and that Santa creeps me out. God has gotten me through much worse. He will get me through this.
He always does.
Now onto sterilize the house…yet again.