Yesterday I was super mom.
I should have worn a cape. I was that good.
You know why? Why I could leap from tall buildings and be invincible? Why did I almost wear my underwear on the outside of my jeans?
Because we did two…TWO structured crafts!
In one day. Two. Seriously. Two.
I know, right? You are totally jealous. It was like I was one of those Pinterest mom’s I read about on fairytale blogs where kids have structure, the house is kept clean, and the wife still has energy to dress up in a teddy for her husband at the end of the night.
Don’t hate me because I was awesome.
For like 3 hours.
In seriousness, I really do try. I have the intention. I plan ahead and everything but yet Addison has been lucky when she gets two crafts in a week, and Brian is lucky if I am not half asleep my 8pm.
I’d like to be able to pull the whole my kid has cancer card to be my excuse. But then a lightening bolt from the heavens would come and fry my uncombed hair. It’s not the case. I have yet to figure out the proper dance of life to getting everything done. All Asher’s diagnosis did was throw us into survival mode for a while.
Survival mode is what it is. It’s just getting through the day with the least tears possible. Everything non-mandatory for breathing goes by the wayside.
When we haven’t been in survival mode, we moved into recovery mode. Recovering from a week or more in the hospital when the house is a mess, there is lists and list of chores to do from me not being home for days or weeks at a time, and oh goodness the laundry. So much laundry.
Around Wednesday, I finally felt like we may be living again. Moving forward. For the first time this summer no longer just surviving or recovering, but actually…maybe…possibly…thriving?
Addison has had a rough go with all these hospital visits, and us in survival mode. There has been very little structure and discipline, and it took it’s toll. Last week when we got home from our last hospital run, and Addison was a bit of a mess. So the hammer landed, the foot was put down, the fist was clenched, and we imposed discipline and structure again. It was a rough couple of days.
But after working with her on her behavior day in and out, she seems to be thriving again. Less of the extreme emotional breakdowns to every little thing, less attachment issues to everyone she has ever met (she either was shy around people she used to be comfortable with OR didn’t want them to leave her sight and was hysterical if they did), and dare I say back to normal.
I’ve always had this goal of having a super structured day for her. Where there would be a craft, learning, together playtime, alone playtime, a nap and the whole lot. But I just haven’t been able to get there. To fully make it happen the way I think it “should”.
I beat myself up a lot for this. In my defense, we are not cave people, we do have a rough schedule to the day, but I never feel like I am the super mom I want to be.
I am a mom. From everything I heard, mom’s are never are fully convinced you are doing everything perfectly right. So maybe it just comes with the territory. Maybe I’ll never get there.
I do take solace that I am doing my best, and am avoiding some of the more major parenting mistakes like leaving my kid on the side of the freeway (even though I have been tempted).
I have my super mom moments though . The moments I feel on top of the world because I succeeded in doing something right. I couldn’t manage to keep Addison from being naked half the day, or put on her shoes without ten minutes of kibitzing, but we did two crafts.
I was supermom yesterday, for a couple of hours.
And I am damn proud of it.