I originally wrote this post at 5:30 on Tuesday morning. It was slightly delayed by 24 hours for posting. You will see why below…
Go here to buy this print. I am.
The week has started. I am not pleased with this. I am not looking forward to this week, what is sure to be a hard week or at best, a long one.
It already has started a bit rough. On Saturday (yes, in this version of my world the week starts on Saturday), I visited probably the last part of the Kaiser Roseville hospital unexplored by the Armitage family –the ER.
The baby has been acting sick since his blood transfusion. Typically the blood transfusion is like this miracle pump up that takes my son’s pale face away instantly and gives him back his little-kid level energy.
Well, no such luck for little guy he ended up sleeping more, still pale, and acting like he was miserable.
It being a weekend, I finally gave in against my intense fear of being a hypochondriac mother and called the on-call oncologist with the enlightening news that my son took an extra nap and had a runny nose.
Seemingly was nothing, but still I was freaking out.
Sometimes a cold is just a cold. Sometimes a cold is really a massive infection from a blood transfusion. And sometimes you just have nooooo bloody idea what’s going on.
The doctor agreed that he at the very least had a cold, but could be more, so she sent us in to the ER to get a blood culture done (which takes 48 hours for results) sooner rather than later.
So off me and the little guy went. And may I say, DANG. They have some nice ER digs at our Kaiser hospital. No little rooms with eight people shoved into them with only curtains to separate you from the barfing noises and screams of pain. We had our own room, big door, and a pillow. All we could ask for.
There was a slightly disturbing moment where I practically had to stand in front of my child to prevent him from getting a rectal temp (big no no for chemo kids), and had to walk the nurse through how to draw blood from the broviak. I guess cancer babies are not usual Saturday night visitors with the car crashes and alcohol poisoning.
Then the night came. And the insomnia girl (aka my daughter) was up in full force….for hours. I think I may have gotten 3 hours of sleep. Three hours!
Want to know how I finally got her to go to sleep after 5 hours of being WIDE AWAKE and saying “mama” over and over again? I broke down with bit of honesty: Mommy needed sleep. Baaaaaaaad. Yes, mommy needed the sleep medicine because her eyes (and entire freaking body) hurt from exhaustion. But I couldn’t do it while she was up. So go to sleep you adorable vampire!
Suddenly she jumped into bed, happy to take care of mommy. THANK YOU GOD.
Then Sunday, I was beyond exhausted. My hubs let me sleep in, take two naps, and I was still on the couch struggling to keep my eyes awake.
I started this post Sunday night in my sleepy despair, terrified that on top of everything else, I had the baby’s cold.
But then Monday had energy, I had stamina, and I did it all while wearing real clothes.. although possibly without brushed hair. So I put of my depressing ramble of a post. And instead, I kicked butt on my pre-chemo chores. Laundry, cleaning our/baby bedroom, more laundry, picking up the house, paying bills, doing some last minute job stuff, putting away the gobs of laundry, cleaning the kitchen, making food for the week, etc. etc. etc.
The little princess made sure I took a photo of her walking away from me…like I’m not already traumatized that this will happen constantly 9-years from now when she becomes a teenager.
A less mommy-traumatizing photo of the beauty.
Why I am back to my depressing rambling blog post? Well, my friends, is because as I write this its Tuesday morning at 5:37am, the kids and I are in the living room. After bouncing back and forth between their two rooms since 1am, I gave up and just moved us all out to one central location.
Don’t let the cuteness fool you. They are out to get me. And yes the photo was blurry, but it was like 4am.
Asher’s next round of chemo is in 4 and 1/2 hours and I have had less sleep. I may beg the hubby to stay home and help me today.
Side note: I did. He stayed. It was awesome.
Every time Asher has had chemo he has ended up in the hospital either for it or right after, all for other reasons, but I am not forever scarred for life, convinced we are going to the hospital this week. Even if we don’t I am not sure how the baby will handle the chemo.
I am prepared for the worst, and if the best happens maybe I can actually get some SLEEP.
So now you’re like…
What’s the point?
I don’t have one. I am tired. Not looking forward to the week. Needed to moan, whine, and be a cliche millennial (narcissism FTW!).
But to attempt to wrap up this blog, I tell you this: don’t worry, I have clean clothes, stocked up on coffee, have two bottles of Hazelnut Coffeemate, and a 6-pack of almond Snickers. I can handle a no sleep week or a very small apocalypse.
I just ask you forgive me if my posts suddenly seem like the ramblings of a monkey on crack eating a chocolate banana in the desert.