I have not been as positive of a person as I want to be these days. I blame my depression or PMS, but for whatever reason it’s been a struggle more than usual. One of the big contributing factors was the fact that baby boy went for a about a week only sleeping in two hour increments. I was exhausted, it was rough.
Then I posted this on Facebook and Twitter:
I was a challenge to others, but really, I was challenging myself. I may have had to get up with him all night long, dealt with screaming off and on for days on end, and spent my days tired, but it’s nothing close to what he was dealing with. And he kept smiling. If he can smile, I certainly can try and find a way to smile too.
Things have since gotten better. He got a blood transfusion, teething has seemingly calmed down, and sleep is actually happening at night. But the point is and always has been he manages to smile through everything.
This baby boy cries when he is in pain, but when it’s over so are the tears. He is not focused on ‘why me’ or fear over the future. He has a blessing of being a baby with just knowledge of the present. When his pain is over, and someone is showing him love, he is the happiest baby on the earth.
I want to be like that.
Not to get too cheesy Pastor’s wife about it but it truly makes me think about God. What I was content by being loved by God? Past pain and future anxiety didn’t matter. The here and now, is all we needed. Love was all we needed. Love we have. Love I definitely feel, love I see on a daily basis, but sometimes…most of the time…don’t care about as much as I should. It’s not enough for me.
What if it was?
It’s something worth striving for: To find the ultimate peace by knowing with ever fiber of your being that you are loved by God and wanting nothing else.
I am not there yet, but I want to be.
In the meantime, a reminder for myself (and maybe one or two others out there?)…