Note: This post originally appeared at ExtraLifeMinistries.com. It was written by my husband, whose reaction to our son “almost” being done with chemo was much more poetic, less rambley, and more about his growth in all this. I was very moved by this post and decided to share it with all of you.
This could very well be the halfway point of my time away from active ministry. I was taking time off when my son Asher was born, then some more when he was diagnosed with cancer, until I was offered a sabbatical to let me focus on taking care of my family, not to mention my own mental health.
Asher has been doing great. His treatment and the bazillions of prayers offered for him have been beating the tumor into submission, leaving Ash with a few complications and an occasional bad day. It’s hard to imagine how all this could have gone better. According to the current plan, Asher’s last chemo treatment is in the beginning of December, and we’ll see how he’s doing in January. Then, we might just be done.
Our family has been so well supported that we’re still stunned by all the love. Thank you all. We’ve felt the love of God through each of you.
I’ve also felt that love personally as I’ve been dealing with my own inner junk. I didn’t expect my sabbatical time to be spent so much on my own mental health.
The thing is, when your kid has cancer — or you go through any other event that completely drains your emotional reserves — you’re left without the energy or inclination to deal with anything else. Unresolved problems bubble to the surface. Thus, this has been the beginning of a major healing time in a way I never thought possible and didn’t know I needed so badly. In fact, I’ve spent the last few months just coming to grips with some of my issues, just figuring out what they are and how to move forward.
But praise God, I’m moving forward.
I won’t go too deep just yet, but I will share this: I have been living in constant fear of failure. As awesome as it has been to lead XLM thus far, it has also been an anxiety-ridden experience. That tends to drain the joy out of the ministry God has given me. At this rate, when I come back, it will be with a new boldness and joy.
I’m looking forward to that.
Please check out other blogs by my husband at Extra Life Ministries.