In the last 5 days:
– Took baby to ER with 102.4 degree fever.
– Found out baby has pnemonia.
– Found out baby has staph infection in his central line…again.
– The 3 yr old got sick.
– My father-in-law, who lived with us, passed away.
– As sole next of kin, we had to deal with arrangements with corners office, funeral home, etc…
– Baby was put on “contact plus” isolation at the hospital, while they test him for c-diff.
& lady issues.
…There is always lady issues. Stupid lady parts!
To be honest I haven’t processed. So much was thrown at me at once that I ,, just moving minute to minute. Making sure my baby doesn’t chew on his IV cord and handling whatever comes up next.
Something is always next…
I am sure I will have some sort of breakdown soon. Just not there yet.
But I do know three things:
1) I don’t feel like world is out to get me. Stuff happens, life is hard, and sometimes it adds up. Although I am really done now with it adding up.
2) There has been so much good in all this. Like how a bunch of random events collided so I could be with my husband when he found out about his dad. Or like how we went into the ER for pnemonia and happened to find the infection… Lots of “coincidences” that has made these bad things not as bad. It’s not coincidences, its God looking after us.
3) We are okay. It’s not easy right now but my husband and I have found moments to smile. We have found moments to cuddle and watch a movie or to laugh about something dumb. Some days will be hard. Some will be easy. We have had enough ups and downs in the last six months that this week is not enough for me to lose hope. As my husband said last night, “we are still us”…which translated means we are still a awesome couple completely made for each other who is a team in everything in life.
The last handful of days have had lots of stress, worry, and numb with sadness, but I know we will be okay. I am not sure what day it is (I literally thought today was Tuesday for the majority of the day) and I am pretty sure I will start crying at some random time like when the guy at Starbucks asks if I want whip cream on my frapp, but we will be okay.
Until I process this whole crazy thing, I guess that’s a good place to be.