This Thursday we find out if my son is cancer free or if we get a new treatment plan.
Cancer free means we wait a month, make sure nothing grows back, and then we get a remission plan complete with regular cancer checks, regular blood tests, and all sort of other regular tests to make sure the chemo didn’t mess anything up permanently.
A new treatment plan means…well, a new treatment plan. Whatever that may look like.
As I have blogged about before, I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want to get my heart set on the cancer free diagnosis.
Well, I officially failed at that little goal.
My heart is set on celebrating a cancer free Christmas. I need a slap of perspective change..quickly…before Thursday.
I need to be okay where I am, no matter where I am. No matter my infant’s diagnosis I need to go into it Thursday, knowing it’s going to be fine. We just get a new plan. Simple as that.
Yeahhhhh, I am working on it. Not quite there yet.
I wrote a post a while back that I never posted, called Thank You Cancer. I revisited it when I realized that I need to get back to actively pursuing…not being a mess if things go a different way than I want. It helps if you prepare your heart for it. To be clear, I don’t mean to prepare my heart for disappointment…that’s kind of the reverse effect of what you want. What I mean is preparing to truly being grounded and joyful no matter what life throws at you. I may cry, I may be sad, I may even say some cuss words, but in the end I want to accept whatever happens with as much dignity and grace as humanly possible.
Tomorrow’s post is about how I have found to do that…or at least what helps me. I had to break it into two different posts because it’s ridiculously long, so the second part will be posted on Wednesday.