A hopeful cynic’s prayer

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Our church has a pretty wonderful tradition of hosting a game night with a oh-my-goodness-so-yummy dessert contest on New Years eve.

Buuuuut the little minions haven’t been feeling to well, and life has been so turbulent, that we decided to keep them home and to their regular schedule. Which means no party for the parents.

Not a big dealio though (yes, I said dealio). The more I thought about it, the more being home with my family, was more important than games and friends (no offense friends, I love ya!). After 2013, I really just needed to be with my team.

Our family is a strong little unit, fighting this war of just depression and drama. My kids are beyond my joys in life. The little lady is just trying to adapt to what we throw at her, and keeps managing to dance and smile…and make me smile. My son’s body is fighting for its life and doing a pretty dang good job. My husband is an amazing partner, grieving, coping, and taking care of all of us. I am… I don’t even know. Mom. Wife. Person who escapes in my blog. All four of us have our roles. So this team had a nice little New Years evening at home.

Then as I got closer to the midnight count down, I read resolutions and new missions on blogs and Facebook, the more my cynical I got…but also, strangely more hopeful.

All of you know my rant that the world sucks and we all need to just deal with it. As people prayed in lofty wishes of weight loss, more money, and the most perfect year came out, my thought kept being “what’s the point?” The world is going to give you what it will. Last year I thought my biggest struggle would be becoming a stay-at-home mom.

Ha! Oh the good old days.

But what also came after the unexpecteds of this year was God taking care of us. My husband and I have grown as people, Christian’s, spouses, and maybe even friends. Growth that would have probably taken us years if it ever happened, otherwise.

Then I realized 2013 was a good year….the best year, because we survived what we used to think was impossible. We are still standing. That is pretty good in my book.

My cynical prayer after the calendar turned over to 2014, was not for good things to happen, but for me to deal with what life did gives. For me to grow in them. And for my faith to only strengthen. Because, no matter how much I wish other wise, bad things will probably happen.

I spent New Years Eve reflecting on our little team, what I really should be asking from God, and all of it collided together into this topsy turvy weird feeling of hope.

Not really what you’d expect, but truth.

Happy New Year from this hopeful cynic. May your year be good, and if its not, may you grow through it and feel God’s love.

P.s. After I wrote this (and thought my phone posted it) last night I read my friend, Tammy’s blog post with a very similar sentiment, but much better written.  Read her post here

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